Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I need a beard to bite.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
