i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
