dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
