I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
