This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
