i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
