I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
