Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
