so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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