I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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