Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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