Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
