just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
