Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's never too late to be topless.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
