I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
