this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
