he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
