I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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