Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This is the high leading the old right now
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
