I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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