Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
