y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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