found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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