I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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