i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
