smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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