I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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