Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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