During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
