Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
