i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize