What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
