So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish you could order shots online.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
