is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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