fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
