i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
