Nicole vs. Life
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
