i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I need to align my fucking chakras
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
