I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize