Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
