I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
