Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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