I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
