if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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