This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
