Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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