Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
