Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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