So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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