Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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