***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
