On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
