I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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