I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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