Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
