just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
