Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
