at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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