He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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