I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
