Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
