i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
