I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
