Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
