im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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