i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
