also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
