i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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