I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
