Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
