We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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