Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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