just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize