I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
