i need an iv and a liver transplant
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
