I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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