Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
