did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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