there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
