if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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