Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
