So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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