Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize