i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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