I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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