We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
